I was out to dinner at Boqueria with Husband the other night, and noticed yet another table of Asians taking pictures of their food. I have never been an advocate of this behavior because when food arrives at the table, I generally want to hoover it up right away, leaving no time for picture-taking. Yet, this behavior is intrinsically Asian, which leads me to think about what are the other habits which tell the world – Hey, I’m Asian!
So, here is a list of ways for you to be able to tell someone’s Asian. This list is particularly handy for men or women with yellow fever and wants to imitate the ways of the yellow people in order to lure Asians into their trap.
You know you’re Asian when:
You leave your shoes at the door
You ‘peace sign’ when you get a picture take (see below)
You played piano or violin or both when you were growing up
You slurp you noodles. Loudly, even in restaurants.
You have four hobbies: studying, studying, violin/piano, studying.
You will never eat last piece of food when you’re eating family style
You know how to twirl you pen around your fingers and are not even aware that you’re doing it
When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
You spit bones and other food scraps onto the table
You have eaten the following and liked it – thousand year old eggs, bitter melon, chicken feet, pigs’ blood, stinky tofu.
You know what Sanrio is.
People always ask you if you know this other Asian acquaintance of theirs – “My dentist is Dr. Lee. Do you know him? He’s Asian too!”
You had a bowl haircut at least once in your lifetime
If you got a bad report card, you tell your parents that the teacher was racist
You parents are constantly comparing you to their friends’ kids. Many of their sentences start with “Why can’t you be more like…?”
You love karaoke
You know how to make paper stars
You make ridiculous offers when bargaining “I’ll give you $5 for the car.”
You steal food from the all you can eat breakfast buffet to eat later
You have little or no eyelashes
You’ve had some sort of tutoring within your lifetime. If it’s for math, you pretend that you didn’t and every time you are going to your math tutor’s place, you tell everyone you’re going to English classes.
Your mom covers up areas of the stove with cardboard, so she doesn’t have to clean all of it after she cooks
Your relatives ask you to bring back to the motherland things like toothpaste, vitamins and batteries because it’s slightly cheaper for you to buy them where you live.
You have to call all your parent’s friends Uncle or Auntie – you have no idea who your real uncles and aunts are anymore.
Your parents have never kissed or hugged you
Your parents have never kissed or hugged each other
You find it easier to eat everything with chopsticks – salad, steak, burgers, pizza.
You believe everything awesome originally came from Asia – spaghetti is a noodle, and noodles originally came from China. Hence, it’s Asian.
You always pick something that has the number 8 in it, and avoid the one that has a 4
You automatically jump on the bandwagon when an Asian person makes it in sports, even if you have never watched the sport before. i.e.: Jeremy Lin, Michael Chang, Tiger Woods
You have a white name, and an Asian name
You have only ever owned Hondas.
You pose for pictures with ‘wide eyes’
White people can’t tell you apart
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