TW2.0 Update

Sydney 2014

Thought I’d catch you kids up with what’s been going on in my life recently. They’re all rather disjointed and I’m not good enough of a writer to segue into each one so I’ll just list each event separately, because, you know, English second language and all:


Scene – Husband and I are in bed Monday night. Time is close to midnight. (Man, I’d be awesome at this screenwriting thing, right? Is that what it’s called? Playwriting maybe? Whatever.)

Me:        Yo did you get this email from your mother?

Husb:    Hmmm?

Me:        Oh shit. It’s our anniversary tomorrow.

Husb:    No way.

Me:        Yes…it’s the 13th tomorrow. Remember we got married on Friday the 13th? You know, it was the legal bit we did down at City Hall?

Husb:    Fuck. I totally forgot. I got you nothing

Me:        I totally forgot too. I can’t believe you didn’t get me anything.

Husb:    Shut up. You didn’t know either. Anyway – it’s midnight now so Happy Anniversary!

Me:        I wonder what the traditional gift is for a 2 year anniversary? I hope its pizza.

Husb:    Done. I’ll buy you pizza tomorrow.

Me:        Best. Anniversary. Ever.


As you all know, I have just returned from my vacation back to Australia to spend Christmas with family. Look – I love my family, don’t get me wrong. I love my parents, I love my in-laws and siblings and siblings in-laws and whatever else – but a vacation to see family isn’t a real vacation, don’t you think?

You know what I mean. I drag my ass on this 22 hour flight back to the motherland Australia – which, I might add, isn’t cheap you know. I know everyone thinks that being a TW2.0 I’m just making it rain with hundred-dollar bills every time I go out. I’d hate to disappoint you, but I am actually very responsibubble with money.

Anywho – like I was saying, a business class ticket back home to Sydney isn’t just a drop in the pond, especially when the airline fucks you over completely and lie about having flat beds and you really end up on those crappy slanty beds which no one can sleep on because ultimately, you end up scrunched up on your footrest like a sharpei puppy. (I’m looking at you Qantas – fool me once and I’m never flying you again.)

So, back to my rant. While it was lovely to be back in sunny Sydney, enjoying the summer weather, getting my tan on – ultimately, vacations to see family means you’re at someone else’s beck and call. It’s a vicious circle – first, you drop over to see the family, have some lunch/dinner with them, and then they’re like “Oh, what are you doing tomorrow?” Part of you wants to be like – Chillaxing? Probably getting wasted in the sun somewhere and then stumbling back to my hotel room to sleep it off? But then family is like “Let’s grab lunch!” So, then the good daughter part of you is saying – “Well. The whole purpose of your trip is to come and hang with family. You better do it Julie.”

And so it starts. The same thing happens the next day. And the day after that. And so on and so on and so on. Until you realize – hey! It’s the last 2 days of my vacation! Have I had any time to myself to relax? Hella no! But of course, this is followed by the goodbye lunch/dinner invitation – the “Oh, it’s the last chance we will see each other until god knows when!” How do you say no to that? You don’t, because Chinese guilt has taught me so.

Then all of a sudden, you’re back on your long-assed return flight, landing back into freezing JFK and you think to yourself – Fuck me: I need a vacation!

Please tell me I’m not the only person who feels like this.

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  1. Kristina - January 14, 2014 7:42 PM

    I just got back from the same thing… a five-week ‘vacation’ which involved bouncing all over the damn country, a week-long work event, myriad family events including a road-trip with my 90-year-old grandparents (one of whom has dementia), and… well, and a cruise. So ok yeah, that part rocked.

    But the rest? Wheeeeewwww. Plus I worked remotely most of the time. Then I travel all day to get back to freezing cold Alaska, and everyone’s all “Are you all rested and relaxed and ready to jump back into life at the office?” Uhmmmm. NO!! I need a vacation to recover from my ‘vacation.’

  2. Karla E - January 21, 2014 2:39 AM

    I feel the same way, i spent my christmas break in Virginia with family. It was nice but now I need a vacation for myself!
    By the way, i love your blog :) i recently discovered it and I binge read all your articles haha :)

  3. An ex-ordinary guy - January 24, 2014 1:50 AM

    I hate seeing my extended family during MY holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them, just being somehow guilt-trap into it. Everybody wants to hear the same story again, what you did, how is it going, when’s the next child and why and …it never f-ing ends. Last such “holiday” was 7 years ago and it is never going to be repeated again. Ever. I needed 2 months to recover, hating them and blaming myself for not cutting the story short and, for God’ sake, just relax.

    I just want to lay on a beach, with a nice cocktail, enjoying my small, close family, phone on silent, reading. I am sick of people acting like “story-vampires”,trying to fill their empty lives with other individuals’ stories. Get a life!

  4. LM - February 6, 2014 12:35 AM

    And that is why you don’t tell them you’re going to be in town until the second to last day

    • Trophy Wife - February 7, 2014 9:34 AM

      Dear LM,

      I really need to learn from you for next time.


  5. laurie j free - February 6, 2014 6:07 PM

    yes. my friends deem me the trophy wife. the thought of clocking into a job makes me ill. my kids are getting older so the looks of disdain which say “why isn’t your wife back to work yet” are getting louder. I tell my husband I’m going to make it as a writer. betwixt telling him that vacations tire me out. he has not sympathy for my woes. and the kids are getting older. so now I use the phrase, “If I get a REAL job, we won’t be able to go on vacation EVERRRRR bc it will take me yearssssssssssssssssssssss to build up my vacation time. to which he says “glass half full empty or whatever the hell that phrase is.

    • Trophy Wife - February 7, 2014 9:33 AM

      Dear Laurie,

      I mean, really – you are absolutely right about that it takes year to accrue enough annual leave for a decent vacation.

      That’s just smart thinking!


  6. Meg - May 31, 2014 3:25 PM

    I’ve read several of your posts over the last year or year and a half. I guess I’m a sort of half-assed TW. Never intended to be, but fell in love with a Canadian military man while he was posted in my home state, and when he got posted to Québec, we married so I could come with him. We knew I wouldn’t be able to work for a long time, if ever, while we’re at this posting, as I spoke no French when we arrived, and there are very, very few employment opportunities for people who don’t speak French here. Almost two years later, I’ve got a French resume, and I’m actively looking for work. I’m quite surprised it’s going so well. I’m functionally bilingual now, though my French isn’t great yet, but I’ve had calls/interviews for three positions, and it’s going well.

    Anyhow, blahblahblah, I find I identify with you on a lot of issues, and I absolutely cracked up to read that you got married on a Friday the 13th. SO DID WE! We don’t do anniversaries (we sometimes use them for an excuse to eat at a nice restaurant, but that’s it), we don’t do Valentine’s Day *at all*, and we don’t even really do birthdays, except to treat ourselves to something special. I also LOVE me some vodka. As I read your stuff, I’m pretty sure that, if we lived near each other and met, we’d immediately get along famously or want to kill each other within 3 minutes. Nothing in between.


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