Terrible Investments: Dating in your 20s

I am slightly addicted to this awesome site EliteDaily.com.

One of their recent articles inspired today’s post: “Terrible Investments: Relationships In Your 20′s“

So true. And I’m the absolute proof of that.

Your 20’s are the time in your life for crappy relationships. Your 30’s are for finding a man who you can swindle money from for the rest of your life, or, until a richer, more gullible man comes along.

I know I’ve had many, many, many, many, many terrible relationships while in my 20’s. I’ve dated all the stereotypical mistakes that every woman makes. In my case, I just have made all of them in my 20’s. And the majority of them I dated at the same time. Here are a few we all know and love:

The Model/Redonkulously Attractive Man:

We’ve all been there – you walk into a club, scan the talent and then DAMN – you see this 15 rising out of a crowd of 4’s and 5’s. You sashay your way over there and make sure you’re in his line of sight, and flirtatiously tossing your hair around and giggling like an idiot, hoping he’ll notice you.

I met my first ridiculously attractive man when I was working in retail. I was dating some virgin Greek dude who I was indifferent about, and one day, the brother of one of the girls I worked with walked into our store. This guy was incredibly handsome. So handsome that after he left, his sister came up to me and said “Now Julie, don’t you think about dating my brother! He’s off limits!”Now – what do I want more in the world? Something someone says I can’t have. So, of course, I made it my mission to make sure we were alone together. Two weeks later, I was sneaking around with handsome brother while virgin Greek dude was applying for a loan to buy me gifts. I actually do have a conscience, hidden in there somewhere, so I had to let Greek man go, not before taking his virginity. Which is a whole other awkward story altogether – please ladies, take my word for it. You never want to be some dude’s first.

I dated handsome brother for about 3 years, and to this day he is still one of my best friends. And of course, still redonkulously handsome. Hmm – I guess not all relationships in your 20’s were bad?! One bad thing about dating a gorgeous man? He takes longer to get ready than you do. But it’s okay, because you spend that time gazing at him, and thinking “you so purty.”

My second handsome fellow I met when I was completing my first masters. I was in class one day when this Dutch model-like man walked in the room. This guy was seriously come-in-your-pants good looking, a little like a cross between Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt. When the professor announced that we would need to get into groups for an assignment, I set forth putting together a plan of how we can be in the same group. Break time comes around and I see Dutch hottie going out for a cigarette. I sidled up to him and ask for a light, conversation ensues and bam, we’re in the same assignment group.

Yes, of course I dated Dutch man. In fact, we were so serious that I imported him to Australia, and he became my defacto. It didn’t work out, but he’s still pretty.

The models are a whole different story. I met my first model when I was modeling. We were doing some shows in Italy, so we travelled together. We were supposedly dating before we even left on the trip, but I don’t really consider sex in his car dating, so once we got to Rome, I was all like “peace out muthafuka! There are man models here for me to hook up with!” I supposed he was upset, but do you blame me?

My second model I met in a club. This was the dude I mentioned previously who dumped me because I made out with a girl, and he considered that cheating. He was so lame he doesn’t even get an entire paragraph.

My last model I also met in a club. I clubbed a lot in my 20’s. I had recently received a pair of handcuffs as a gift from a suitor, and I decided that they were the perfect accessory to go with my red dress I was wearing out that night. I strolled into the club wearing my handcuffs like a bracelet on my wrist, and ending up sitting next to this six-foot brunette with green eyes. Sigh – I’m such a sucker for the light eyes/dark hair combo. Of course, he’s like “Um…are you wearing handcuffs as a bracelet?” and I was like “Oh, please. That line is SO old.”I found out that he was a professional soccer player/model/actor – aren’t they all? Model boy and I texted for like a month, naked photos were shared and we finally went on a coffee date one afternoon. Let me tell you – not a lot of action happens on a coffee date, although it is an opportune moment for you find out that there isn’t really much going on up top. While I do love a pretty face to look at, one of my biggest turn offs is stupidity. Alas, model boy had to go.

Hmm – there are actually a lot more types of man mistakes I made in my 20’s, but why give it all away on one day? Stay tuned for the rest of this week to learn more about my disastrous dating history!