For those who follow me on Instagram and on my Facebook page (links above in header), you are probably aware that I am currently participating in the torture that is Soberary.

What is Soberary, you ask? Well – it’s not good.

In fact, it sucks major ass.

It’s basically me not drinking anything alcoholic for the month of February. Why February? Duh – it’s the shortest month of the year – or so I thought. Right now, February is feeling like it’s lasting forever.

How did this self-inflected torture come about? Well – it was due to a plethora of reasons. Did that sentence even make sense? Eh – whatever. I always love using the word plethora because I think it makes me sound SUPER smart.

It all started a few weeks prior to my trip back home to Australia. Everyone knows that I enjoy working out – in fact, my gym is my second home. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and I like to high-five everyone like the douchebag that I am when I walk in their door – like I’m some kind of celebrity or something, when in fact, I’m just a fat girl trying to do her best to keep a healthy body.

So, for the majority of last year, I managed to keep my 5 foot 7 frame weight down to a healthy 62 kilos, or for you Americans, this is like around 137 pounds. Actually, I was pretty smug with myself because 62 kilos is like the slimmest I’ve ever been for a while. I don’t even know if I was that skinny when I was a teenager (I was a fat little dumpling teenager). So, there I was for most of 2013 strutting around pretty smug with myself, and buying new dresses every single week because bitch, I was skinny finally. I can say that because even Momma Lin called me skinny when I went to see her in Taiwan in October – and we all know Momma Lin’s opinion is the be all and end all.

And then November/December rolls around.

Towards the end of November, I notice my weight going increasingly upwards. I weigh myself every morning as soon as I get up so I can reign in exactly what I would eat that day. Every couple of days, I see that I would gain another pound…which was perplexing to me since my workout routine didn’t change, and neither did my diet. The most puzzling thing was that my clothes didn’t feel any tighter – so after whining to my trainer, we both concluded that I obviously had put on muscle weight – which is awesome!

Cut to my trip back to Australia which occurred over the Christmas/New Years break. I knew I was going to put on a couple of pounds because I’m on vacation and I like to drink like a fish. However, I am not the type to give up exercising just because I’m not at home – in fact, Sydney has so many beautiful venues to go for a run or a hike, it seemed wasteful to not utilize them. However, no matter what I did, I could feel my weight increase – to the point that at the last few days of my vacation, my strapless dress which I packed was no longer wearable due to backfat. Fucking backfat – it’s my fricking worst enemy.

Other girls will tend to put weight on their legs or ass, but not me: any weight I put on goes straight to my belly and back – mmm…sexy, right? Who doesn’t love a back rippling with fat??? Dang Husband is a lucky man.

So I returned to New York a fat bitch, and try my hardest to get rid of this Holiday weight I gained. I know my body – it’s been mine for 34 years so after a while, I tend to understand its nuances and how it operates. Generally, once I resume my weekly workout schedule of 6 days a week and healthy eating, the weight drops off in a few weeks.

Now – I dunno if it’s because I’m 35 this year , or maybe I’m just getting too comfortable on the couch because this New York winter has been a real snowy bitch, but by the end of January, I had only dropped about a pound, and my backfat and I were fast becoming BFFs.

So – when my bestie CY told me about her plans to omit all alcohol for February – I was like: I’m DOWN. We all know Grey Goose is my biggest vice, so maybe giving up the liquid calories for a month could be a great instigator for my weight loss – so there it is!

Plus, I wanted to give my liver a bit of a break from the huge amount of work it had to do over December. Actually, because my knowledge of anatomy is pretty much that of a five-year old – this conversation happened before Soberary started:

Me:        Babe – I’m going to do Soberary with CY

Husb:    That’s great! It’ll be a nice to give your liver a break.

Me:        Pffft – whatever. I mean, we have two of them.

Husb:    We have two of what?

Me:        Two LIVERS dumbass.

Husb:    You don’t have two livers.

Me:        Sure I do.

Husb:    I think you’re talking about kidneys. We have two KIDNEYS.

Me:        Why do I need two kidneys? They don’t process alcohol?! So you’re saying once my liver fails, I’ll have to stop drinking?

Husb:    Yes.

Me:        Good thing I’m doing Soberary then.

Granted – it is now February 25th and I’m not going to say that it has been easy – although it has helped that my partner in crime, CY and Husband both participated in the suffering, and not to mention the snowy freezing weather made it less than desirable for me to step outside my apartment.

Yes – I did do the ‘before’ photo and measurements on Feb 1st so only a few more days to go to find out if it was worth all the sober torment!

I often question myself – what would happen come March 1st and both my weight and body-fat percentage didn’t go down?

Well – let’s just say that I have an IV and a magnum of Grey Goose on hand.


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  1. Chrystal Viera - February 25, 2014 1:57 PM

    That was so funny :) have a great day

    • Trophy Wife - February 25, 2014 2:47 PM

      Thank you Chrystal! Only three more days to go…

      Just checked out your blog – great writing!


  2. Alexis Wood - February 25, 2014 6:27 PM

    As I drink my raspberry martini, I feel so proud of you.

    • Trophy Wife - February 26, 2014 11:11 AM

      Thank you Alexis! Counting down the days…


  3. walt - February 25, 2014 7:19 PM


    My TW has no problem keeping thin. Why?
    Because her daily “intake” consists mainly
    of one real meal,liquor, and cigarettes.

    No , this not meant as advice, but the scale
    on March 1 may not be kind to you.


    • Trophy Wife - February 26, 2014 11:10 AM

      Ah Walt – always a delight to hear from you!

      I think you might be right about the scales on March 1 – which is both good and bad at the same time. Sigh.


  4. Amy M - February 27, 2014 6:20 AM

    I don’t care if you’re a TW, a DR or you have a PHD (Kidding, i totally care about that last one *winkwinknudgenudge* ) but eating is part of life and i’m glad you do it healthily instead of resolving to purely liquid calories and cigarettes. Every body shape is beautiful as long as it’s healthy, but it is a kazjillion times better to be healthy and strong, than unhealthily skinny.
    You have an amazing body, and a fuck load of charm so fuck what the scales may say in a few days, because numbers mean nothing (…unless we’re talking salary).


    • Trophy Wife - February 28, 2014 10:17 AM

      Dear Amy,

      Thank you beautiful – you’re absolutely right.


  5. Jonathan - February 27, 2014 11:17 PM

    nice piece of fun…i wonder where the hell i found this site.. am i lost??

    • Trophy Wife - February 28, 2014 10:16 AM

      Hey Jonathan,

      Glad I made you laugh! Stick around – I write a whole lot of stupid stuff often :)


  6. walt - March 7, 2014 9:19 PM


    Okay, what did the scale say?


    • Trophy Wife - March 9, 2014 2:40 PM

      Dear Walt,

      The scales were down 4 pounds! I also lost inches and 3% body fat!


      • Andrea - March 10, 2014 4:07 PM

        3% body fat loss in one month is amazing! Congratulations!

        • Trophy Wife - March 14, 2014 3:51 PM

          Thank you so much Andrea! I was very happy!


  7. Kelly - March 7, 2014 11:25 PM

    I can’t believe jenny has a link to your blog. It instantly makes me feel bad about myself even though I work out a measly 5 days a week and weigh 115 lbs. I don’t cook every day of the week because I have a life and a 10 yr old. Your pictures make me feel bad about my body because you look like a porn star. I don’t live to take care of my husband. Ugh.

    • Trophy Wife - March 9, 2014 2:39 PM

      Dear Kelly,

      I never want to make people feel bad about themselves – that is not my intention. This is the lifestyle I have chosen and it works for me, I don’t dictate it to anyone else, and I don’t judge anyone else which I believe you have. Your comment about me looking like a porn star I take has a huge compliment. Husband and I are porn watchers and I also have the utmost respect for people who work in porn.

      I don’t live to take care of my husband – I live to live life.

      If my lifestyle choices offend you please just click off my site!

      I wish you all the best.



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