For those who follow me on Instagram and on my Facebook page (links above in header), you are probably aware that I am currently participating in the torture that is Soberary.
What is Soberary, you ask? Well – it’s not good.
In fact, it sucks major ass.
It’s basically me not drinking anything alcoholic for the month of February. Why February? Duh – it’s the shortest month of the year – or so I thought. Right now, February is feeling like it’s lasting forever.
How did this self-inflected torture come about? Well – it was due to a plethora of reasons. Did that sentence even make sense? Eh – whatever. I always love using the word plethora because I think it makes me sound SUPER smart.
It all started a few weeks prior to my trip back home to Australia. Everyone knows that I enjoy working out – in fact, my gym is my second home. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and I like to high-five everyone like the douchebag that I am when I walk in their door – like I’m some kind of celebrity or something, when in fact, I’m just a fat girl trying to do her best to keep a healthy body.
So, for the majority of last year, I managed to keep my 5 foot 7 frame weight down to a healthy 62 kilos, or for you Americans, this is like around 137 pounds. Actually, I was pretty smug with myself because 62 kilos is like the slimmest I’ve ever been for a while. I don’t even know if I was that skinny when I was a teenager (I was a fat little dumpling teenager). So, there I was for most of 2013 strutting around pretty smug with myself, and buying new dresses every single week because bitch, I was skinny finally. I can say that because even Momma Lin called me skinny when I went to see her in Taiwan in October – and we all know Momma Lin’s opinion is the be all and end all.
And then November/December rolls around.
Towards the end of November, I notice my weight going increasingly upwards. I weigh myself every morning as soon as I get up so I can reign in exactly what I would eat that day. Every couple of days, I see that I would gain another pound…which was perplexing to me since my workout routine didn’t change, and neither did my diet. The most puzzling thing was that my clothes didn’t feel any tighter – so after whining to my trainer, we both concluded that I obviously had put on muscle weight – which is awesome!
Cut to my trip back to Australia which occurred over the Christmas/New Years break. I knew I was going to put on a couple of pounds because I’m on vacation and I like to drink like a fish. However, I am not the type to give up exercising just because I’m not at home – in fact, Sydney has so many beautiful venues to go for a run or a hike, it seemed wasteful to not utilize them. However, no matter what I did, I could feel my weight increase – to the point that at the last few days of my vacation, my strapless dress which I packed was no longer wearable due to backfat. Fucking backfat – it’s my fricking worst enemy.
Other girls will tend to put weight on their legs or ass, but not me: any weight I put on goes straight to my belly and back – mmm…sexy, right? Who doesn’t love a back rippling with fat??? Dang Husband is a lucky man.
So I returned to New York a fat bitch, and try my hardest to get rid of this Holiday weight I gained. I know my body – it’s been mine for 34 years so after a while, I tend to understand its nuances and how it operates. Generally, once I resume my weekly workout schedule of 6 days a week and healthy eating, the weight drops off in a few weeks.
Now – I dunno if it’s because I’m 35 this year , or maybe I’m just getting too comfortable on the couch because this New York winter has been a real snowy bitch, but by the end of January, I had only dropped about a pound, and my backfat and I were fast becoming BFFs.
So – when my bestie CY told me about her plans to omit all alcohol for February – I was like: I’m DOWN. We all know Grey Goose is my biggest vice, so maybe giving up the liquid calories for a month could be a great instigator for my weight loss – so there it is!
Plus, I wanted to give my liver a bit of a break from the huge amount of work it had to do over December. Actually, because my knowledge of anatomy is pretty much that of a five-year old – this conversation happened before Soberary started:
Me: Babe – I’m going to do Soberary with CY
Husb: That’s great! It’ll be a nice to give your liver a break.
Me: Pffft – whatever. I mean, we have two of them.
Husb: We have two of what?
Me: Two LIVERS dumbass.
Husb: You don’t have two livers.
Me: Sure I do.
Husb: I think you’re talking about kidneys. We have two KIDNEYS.
Me: Why do I need two kidneys? They don’t process alcohol?! So you’re saying once my liver fails, I’ll have to stop drinking?
Me: Good thing I’m doing Soberary then.
Granted – it is now February 25th and I’m not going to say that it has been easy – although it has helped that my partner in crime, CY and Husband both participated in the suffering, and not to mention the snowy freezing weather made it less than desirable for me to step outside my apartment.
Yes – I did do the ‘before’ photo and measurements on Feb 1st so only a few more days to go to find out if it was worth all the sober torment!
I often question myself – what would happen come March 1st and both my weight and body-fat percentage didn’t go down?
Well – let’s just say that I have an IV and a magnum of Grey Goose on hand.
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