Today is day 1 of my three-day juice only cleanse. Being not allowed to eat or drink really has given me time to look back and reflect on my previous alcoholic behavior. Oh, I’ve done some really stupid things – see below.
When I was around 15 years old, I was at a friend’s house party where I consumed an entire hipflask of pure vodka in one gulp and fell off a 2 meter balcony, landing onto a rock garden. Luckily, as I was so intoxicated, my body was in a relaxed state and I walked away with only a mild concussion.
I was dating this guy who I really wasn’t into that much, and needed to be intoxicated at all times around his company. I would drive myself over to his place, stop by the liquor store on the way, park my car in his driveway and consumed an entire bottle of wine before I let myself into his apartment. Why I didn’t just break up with him, I don’t know. It really would have been beneficial to my liver.
We are unable to have a wine cellar in our apartment, or a wine fridge, or store any kind of alcohol because I will literally drink my way through all the bottles in one sitting. In our household, we operate on a bottle by bottle system: that is, we are allowed to have one bottle of Grey Goose in the freezer at all times, and no other alcohol. Once this bottle has finished, only then I am allowed to replenish it.
We live across the street from a liquor store – this is where I replenish my Grey Goose regularly. Husband went in there a few weeks ago to purchase some wine for dinner, and the friendly owner, Jin, gave him a discount because he recognized him. Husband then mentioned “Oh – you probably also know my wife. She’s Asian, quite tall and has broad shoulders? She’s in here quite often.” Jin looked at Husband with a confused face and replied “I don’t think I know who you’re talking about?” Husband said “Sure you do – she buys a lot of Grey Goose.” Jin’s face lit up and exclaimed “OH YES! The vodka girl! She’s your wife?!”
Last year, I bet one of my good friends that I could go an entire month without one alcoholic beverage, hence I stopped visiting my friendly neighborhood liquor store altogether. After I obviously lost the bet after around 3 weeks, I sheepishly went back to the store to purchase my vodka. The guy behind the counter looked up when I walked through the door, cheered, and angrily said to me “WHERE have you been? Our sales have dropped 20% since you’ve been gone!” It’s nice to be missed, even when it’s only just my wallet.
I cannot not drink anything alcoholic that is in my apartment. Perfect example: When I first moved in with Husband, we combined our liquor cabinets. Husband showed me this bottle of whiskey he had purchased “when he thought he should be a man who appreciates whiskey.” He had done some researched and discovered that this brand came highly recommended and was made in small batches only every few years. I, not being a huge whiskey fan, didn’t give it a second thought – until I ran out of vodka one evening. I was too lazy to run across the street to replenish my vodka, so I began beavering around our kitchen cabinets to see what I could find. Aha! I spot this special whiskey out of the corner of my eye and thought to myself – why not? I slowly work my way through this bottle the next few weeks, thinking Husband would be none the wiser since he doesn’t even drink it. Unfortunately, it all comes apart the night of our apartment warming, when I was setting up a makeshift bar area. Husband turns to me and asks “Maybe we should put out that bottle of whiskey that I have, in case some guys want to drink it?” I had to come clean and admit that the bottle was finished, and I had drunk it all by myself. This is what instigated the bottle by bottle system.
When shopping for wines to complement the dinner I’m cooking, I always purchase 2 bottles; one to be consumed while I am cooking, and one that will actually make it to the dinner table. When Husband comes home, I will hide the first bottle I’ve consumed, and pretend that I only purchased one bottle to have with dinner.
When I work out, I wear a heart rate monitor to track how many calories I’m expending. What really pushes me to work out a little harder is when I look at my HRM and think – if I do 10 more minutes at the rate I’m going now, I’ll burn around 120 calories, which will allow me to have a couple more vodka sodas tonight. See? It’s all about setting realistic goals, and rewarding yourself!
Currently, I’m thinking about how much more delicious this green juice below would taste with a few slugs of vodka in it…
These are just a few that I can remember – there are many, many evenings when I have completely blacked out and would have to contact my girlfriends the next day so they can give me a full report of my idiocy. Before you start sending me the details for the next AA meeting (and trust me, people have) let me save you the trouble and say that I’ve already thought about it. However, whenever I think that my drinking is getting out of hand, I remember what my friend who actually attends AA told me: when I asked him if I should be attending meetings with him, he replied “Your drinking is only a problem if it starts affecting the relationships you have in your life negatively.”
Hmm – I think I have a while to go before that happens! Bring on the vodka…in 3 days.
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