Is there a place for romantic love in the Life of a Trophy Wife?
This was a question raised to me by one of my frequent readers and I guess my response would be – it really depends on the person.
Anyone who knows me is aware that Husband and I might be the least romantical couple in the world. I mean, we got married down at City Hall, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s day, anniversaries and don’t gift each other presents during Christmas or birthdays. Husband used to send me gorgeously elaborate surprise flower bouquets, but when I found out exactly how much they were costing him, I told him to cut that shit out immediately. We also don’t make out in public, serenade each other with song or pen love notes to each other. I guess the most romantic thing Husband has ever done for me is my surprise proposal.
Although seriously – who really does that kind of stuff in their relationships?
Actually, it hasn’t always been this way – I remember during my teenage years, I was dating some idiot guy but was really secretly in love with his older friend. The friend and I would sneak off together for movies and coffees and we generally just loved to be in the company of one another. He would leave beautiful handwritten poems in my mailbox and being a musician, sing me songs he had written about his feelings for me. During that stage of my life, I seriously thought it was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me – I mean, this guy literally made me swoon.
Sidebar: after about 12 months of this woo-ing, I found out that he had a girlfriend all along.
But if Husband would even attempt something like that today, I am 100% sure I would have the total opposite response. Actually, my response would probably be to first laugh in his face to be followed by “um – are you being serious? Because you’re being ridiculous. Cut that shit out.” Look – our relationship just isn’t built on a foundation of romance, but that is not to say that we don’t love each other. A lot of people have the misconception that romance equals love, but what is that saying really? Are you implying that without grand romantic gestures like a surprise weekend away via a private jet will make you fall in love with a person? Hmm – actually, that shit would totally work for me…
For me, what I consider romantic are the smaller gestures that you might not think mean a lot. For example, when Husband thanks me every time I cook him dinner or when he always remembers to kiss me goodbye before going to work, even if I’m asleep (I kinda just take his word for it). When I’m hungover like a bitch on Sunday after blacking out on Saturday night, he will always offer to go out and pick me up some greasy food that I can ingest and then throw up and never pass judgment when I spend all day on the couch watching Sex and the City re-runs. That, to me, is what love is all about.
But I know not every woman is as jaded about romance as I am, and my advice for those women is that while you shouldn’t give up expecting your dude to come up with romantic gestures, you must also keep in mind that you need to think realistically and keep your expectations low. Guys are just generally not romantically inclined creatures, and once they’ve girlfriend or wifed you up, they’re pretty much just going to put their feet up and expect the most romantic thing that they need to do is go down on you for anything more than 10 minutes. Also, we as women shouldn’t set these double standards – I mean, we want dudes to send us flowers, but when they do for no reason, we immediately become skeptical and assume that he has done something wrong and these are his ‘guilt flowers.’ Of course guys are going to stop doing romantic shit if we are just going to slap them in the face with it!
If we turn this question specifically to the Trophy Wife lifestyle, then I can only comment from my own personal experience. I understand that many people believe that a Trophy Wife’s marriage is purely focused on money and the financial assets that the Husband brings to the table – love is either secondary or non-existent. Of course there are women out there who are raised to marry rich and this is what they aspire to their entire life – I don’t judge these women at all. More power to you for knowing what you want and going out and fighting for it – I wish more people had that kind of drive.
Just like how at times you have to choose between eating and drinking (drinking always wins), sometimes, you have to make the decision between love and money.
I am lucky that I fell in love with a man who also happens to be incredibly financially secure. Could I have fallen in love with someone who wasn’t as wealthy? Of course! But then, I wouldn’t have this blog now, would I? And how empty would your life be then??