Moving Retardedness Continues…

I know you’re all super interested in the intricacies of my move.

Here’s the latest stupid move related things that have happened in the last 2 days:

Dyson

One of the most exciting parts of the move for me is getting a new Dyson vacuum cleaner. Yes, I do get retardedly excited about new appliances – this is what my life has come to. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I had to make do the last four years with Husband’s crappy old-school vacuum, which is so bad at sucking that I need to run it over one hair three times before it actually picks it up. So, Husband and I trek to Home Depot on Sunday and do a little Dyson investimagating. This is how I select a vacuum:

1. Pick a color I like – Hermes orange, or purple?

2. Pick up vacuum, pretend to vacuum the floor at Home Depot while making ‘vroom vroom’ vacuum noises, just to make it more realistic.

3. Pick up another vacuum, repeat process.

4. Pick the prettiest one.

5. Done.

This is how Husband selects a vacuum:

1. Look at all the features of each vacuum in-depth.

2. Pick up vacuum, tests weight.

3. Look at features again.

We don’t actually make a purchase. Why? Because Husband said that he needed to do ‘more research.’ Now, I am confused – why does he need to do more research on an appliance he will NEVER USE? We all know being the Trophy Wife, I do all the cleaning in the house. Alas, we leave vacuum-less.

Cut to Tuesday when my new rugs are being delivered in the new apt, I stupidly realize that I need to vacuum the floor before we lay the rugs down. Since the only vacuum we have is at my current shitty apt, I haul ass one block, carry the crappy old vacuum on my back like a cleaning lady.

Trophy Wife Behavior? I think not.

Doorman

I asked Husband to go into work last yesterday morning in order to wait for the furniture delivery while I trained at the gym. While I was putting my sneakers on in the morning, Husband and I have this conversation:

Me:        Okay – leaving now! I will be done by 10am.

Husb:    Okay. So…what do you tell the doorman when the furniture arrives?

Me:        Um…What?

Husb:    You know when the furniture delivery guys arrive at the new apartment, what do you say to the doorman?

Me:        Ah – you say we have a furniture delivery here? Can you open the freight entrance?

Husb:    Oh. Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.

Me:        What is this, your first time receiving a delivery?

Husb:    NO! I just wanted to know what you said to them yesterday.

Me:        Sigh. BYE.

Chest of Drawers

We ordered a lovely chest of drawers made of walnut wood to go in our bedroom. After Husband received the furniture delivery without drama, I get a call from him when he arrives into work:

Me:        Hey! How did the delivery go?

Husb:    Yeah – really well! The delivery guys are super nice.

Me:        Sweet. How does the furniture look?

Husb:    Really good! Oh…but I’m not sure about the chest of drawers…

Me:        What? Why?

Husb:    I’m not sure if it goes with the rest of the bedroom.

Me:        The rest of the bedroom? The only thing in the bedroom now is a rug, and a mirror. How does ANYTHING not go with that?

Husb:    It just doesn’t. Why don’t you take a look?

Me:        Oh I will.

Packing Tape

I can’t take credit for this, it actually happened to a very good friend of mine who is currently also moving. She has asked her significant other to go get more boxes. Significant Other (SO) returns and they have this conversation:

SO:         Hey! I got three rolls of tape!

GF:         What? HOW much moving do you think we are doing to necessitate THREE rolls of tape?

SO:         Well, I didn’t know what kind of tape we needed, so I got packing tape, moving tape and some multipurpose tape.

GF:         Sigh. You know they all do the same thing. Where are the boxes?

SO:         What? We need more boxes?

Moving. It’s enough to instigate divorce proceedings.