Momma Lin vs Daddy Lin

Last Thursday Mamma Lin called me. I knew I was in trouble because I hadn’t called her for like 2 weeks, and that makes a super cranky Ma.

Ma:        Meimei. Why you no call for long time?

Me:        Hi Mummy!!! I’m sorry, I know I haven’t called forever. I’ve been busy.

Ma:        Busy doing what?

Me:        Hm…ah…well…nothing really. Aaaanyways. How are you?

Ma:        I okay…how is you new name?

Me:        Oh. My. God Ma.  I couldn’t change it. Those stupid people at the Australian consulate fucked me over. I’m not changing my name.

Ma:        WHAT? What happened? I send you birth certificate, no?

Me:        Yes, you did. But they won’t accept the certificate.

Ma:        No accept? Why? They think you lying? You go again and tell them you no lie.

Me:        Sigh – no, Ma. I’m done. I am never going again. I’m just going to keep my own name. It’s not going to happen.

Ma:        But Meimei – what is boy going to think? You no take his name?

Me:        Oh, he understands. He knows I tried.

Ma:        Oh good. You must tell him you try really, really hard. You tell him you WANT to take name, but it no your fault.

Me:        He knows ma. Don’t worry.

Ma:        So. You no take name. How is money?

Me:        The money is good, I guess?

Ma:        No. I mean WHO is controlling money now? You? You have join account?

Me:        You know what? We DON’T have a joint account.

Ma:        SEE? You no take name, he no give you bank account. So, you have to ask him for money. I no like Meimei. It’s no good. YOU have to handle money, ALL of it.

Me:        You are absolutely right Ma. I should have access to his bank account….I’m on it.

In contrast, this is my conversation with my father who called last night:

Dad:       Mei – when you move into your new apartment?

Me:        Probably around middle of July?

Dad:       Okay. When you think you have it all ready?

Me:        Hmm…Probably around August, end of August. Some furniture is on back order.

Dad:       Okay. I think about coming to visit. So, maybe September I can come.

Me:        Yeah – September is good. It won’t be too hot then. You can stay in the guest room.

Dad:       Oh you have guest room? You have bed in there?

Me:        We’re going to buy a sofa bed for the guest room. So yes, there will be a bed in there.

Dad:       Hmm…Sofa bed huh? I think I would prefer to stay in a really expensive, nice hotel instead.

Me:        I hear ya Daddy. Me too.