Seriously guys – marriage is hard work. Take my advice: Don’t do it.
Look at me for example: I’ve been married less than a year, and it’s seriously exhausting.
I’ve been feeling somewhat disgruntled with Husband and my relationship, and it all came to a head last weekend when we, well, mostly I, was stalking other people’s dogs at the Madison Square Park dog run.
A fit couple rides by on their bikes:
Me: Aw – look at them. They’re so fit and happy. Why don’t we do more things like that?
Husb: What? Like bike?
Me: God no – I used to know how to ride a bike but I’ve forgotten. Plus, those biking outfits are not cute.
Husb: So what do you want to do?
Me: I dunno – maybe something different than just going out and eating and drinking all the time. Something that we can do together as a couple.
Husb: Okay…so no biking, but a different activity?
Me: Yes. So, what do you think about seeing a couples counselor?
Husb: What? Why? Are you unhappy?
Me: Unhappy isn’t the best way to put it – but our marriage it really hasn’t been ideal, don’t you think?
Husb: No? I think everything is great!
Me: You think everything is great? You travel all the time, I see you mostly on the weekend. It’s like we have two completely separate lives and we just live and sleep together. This isn’t how I imagined my marriage would be like.
Husb: We’re the power couple! That’s how power couples live!
Me: Hmm…I do like the sound of that. Actually, if you put it that way, it actually sounds kinda awesome!
Husband always knows what to say to avoid a serious conversation about our relationship.
Me: But seriously, we should do more activities as a couple. Like that 4 mile run we did yesterday – that was fun, right? And it didn’t even involve alcohol! Although I did wish that there was a bar at the end, I would have run way faster…
Husb: Sigh. So, what kind of activities were you thinking? Like rock climbing?
Me: Ew. God no. That would ruin my manicure.
Husb: What about hiking?
Me: We live in Manhattan. Where are you going to go hike?
Husb: You know, I hear a lot of bitching and no good suggestions coming from you.
Me: FINE. What about tennis? The outfits are super cute!
Husb: Argh. I’m not great at tennis, but if that’s what you want to do then fine.
Translation: If that’s what it takes to shut you up, I will agree to anything.
Of course, I have made no attempt to book any tennis related activities because I have been way too busy drinking with my girlfriends this week while Husband has been in San Fran.
However, we are doing a 10K run together on Sunday.
See? I’m really trying to make this marriage work. After all, don’t you have to stay married for more than a year before you can take half his assets in the divorce?
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