A lot of women have come to me with this question: “So, I’ve met a man who I think might be ‘the one’. – How do I get him to commit?”
Quick answer – you don’t.
Nothing sends a guy running faster than a woman who is trying her hardest to lock him down. If you start talking about the future and plans for marriage within the first few months of dating, the alarms are going to sound in the guy’s head and he’s headed for the hills. Not the lame TV show The Hills, I mean actually like hills that you hike.
On another note – don’t ever, EVER let the guy hear you refer to him as The One, unless he’s Neo from The Matrix.
Sidebar: Whatever happened to Keanu Reeves anyway? He was so hot in the movie where Sandra Bullock was ugly.
Remember that really early episode of SATC where Carrie started seeing Mr. Big? While she is out to dinner with the girls, she sees him on a date and flips out? I know a lot of women who watched that episode was like “What a player! Horse face, I mean Carrie, was absolutely right to have snapped at him!” Ah – back the fuck up ladies – you’re wrong.
Without having the ‘are we monogamous?’ conversation, you can’t go around assuming that the dude you’re dating is only exclusively seeing you.
I guess some of you are wondering how did I lock down Husband then? Great question!
I’m the type of girl who goes into dating without any expectations. For me, dating dudes is a hobby – I mean, its fun, isn’t it? I enjoy meeting new people, I like eating out and I love sex. All these tend to go hand in hand with dating. I never expect too much from the guys that I date in the beginning. My gauge is generally simple – do I have a good time with this man? Do I find him attractive? Do I want to sleep with him? If all answers point to yes, then I’m a happy beaver. I don’t think too much into ‘where is this going’ and generally just go wherever it takes me.
When I met Husband I really wasn’t in the market for a boyfriend. But a sucker for the geeks, I was willing to give a date a chance. I mean – what’s the worst that could happen? If the date sucked, well at least I tried! And we all know from my previous post How I Met My Husband that our first date didn’t go too well, but I’m all about giving someone a second chance and boy am I glad I did – all our future dates were an absolute blast.
All the time in the beginning of our relationship, I kept it casual. I never referred to him as my boyfriend – in fact, when I introduced him to my friends, I remember my exact words were “This is the guy I’m sleeping with.” Which really, was the truth!
Cut to a few months into our arrangement and I invited him as my date to a girlfriend’s birthday dinner. I started the night off as always introducing him to my friends as my current bed-mate. As the dinner progressed (it was a seriously long-ass dinner – like 4 fricking hours?!) I noticed how easily he got along with all my friends, and enjoyed that I didn’t need to hold his hand and babysit him the entire time. Traits like independence and ability to socialize in an unfamiliar situation are important to me, and thus I began to see the guy in a whole new light – maybe even in an exclusive dating light! What? I know – I was shocked too. So I had some more wine.
For some reason there were random balloon animals on the dinner table – trust me, it was a totally weird dinner party. So, while we were all drunkenly attempting to make balloon animals (it’s really hard, yo) he leans over and says to me “How long are you going to keep on introducing me to people as the guy you’re fucking?”
To which I replied – “Well, you are, aren’t you?”
And then he said – “Sure, but it makes me feel a little awkward.”
This comment sobered me up slightly and made me think a little clearer – what is it that I want with this guy? Maybe I can give monogamy a chance?
So then I said “I tell you what – if you can make this balloon into a balloon animal dog, then let’s date exclusively. Deal?”
As I turned away to continue drinking with my girlfriends, I chuckled to myself because I was thinking – no way is he able to make a balloon animal dog! At least it’ll be funny to watch him try…
10 minutes later, I get a tap on my shoulder – and sitting on my dinner plate was the most perfectly constructed balloon animal dog ever.
And that is how Husband and I became exclusive. Traditional, no?
What’s the moral of the story? Balloon animal dogs are adorable.
No, seriously – ladies, try not to take the whole dating thing too seriously. Dating should be fun! Stop treating it like you’re going to marry the first guy who shows an interest in you – you’re better than that. I’ve always considered dating almost like an interview process – it’s a two-way street. You’re not only trying to sell yourself to the man, but you should also be sizing him up to see if he’s good enough for YOU. Not every man you date will become your husband – after all, you have to kiss a lot of douchebags before you find your perfect geek!