Fat Girls Gone Wild

Much like I anticipated, my Manhattan Cocktail Classic Gala evening was a bust. Actually, the event itself sucked, but the pre-game at my good friend CY’s apartment was actually quite awesome: there was endless Champagne, pulled pork sliders, pigs in a blanket, cheese plate, nachos and quesadillas. What more could I want? In fact, I was having such a great time, I did my best to try to convince everyone that maybe we should just hang out at the pre-game and forgo the gala altogether!

Alas, my plan failed, and we headed off to the Gala. Once inside, we realized that out of the entire 4 floors which the gala occupied, there was only ONE floor with air-conditioning. This usually would have been okay, but there were literally thousands of people swarming the place, not to mention quite a large amount of fat ladies who tend to generate more heat than normal sized women.

Now, I’m generally quite a positive person, so I decided that instead of complaining about the situation, I would make the best of it. So, for your viewing pleasure, I documented pictorially what I determined to be the theme of the night FGGW: Fat Girls Gone Wild!

FGGW Number 1 – What I love the most about this girl is that she’s wearing black, the most slimming color, yet she still looks like a whale. Now, look carefully – she’s carrying a red handbag, but what’s that in her hand? Is it a brown paper bag full of snacks? You know it is.

FGGW Number 2 – Seriously, sequins? Now, at first, I thought this one was pregnant. But then I noticed her drinking copious amounts of cocktails, and then I realized that she was just a beast. A sparkly, sequined beast.

FGGW Number 3 – I love this one best: remember how I talked about hammy shoes in my Female Fashion Faux Pas post? Well, this heffa took it even further – she has a squishy hammy back.

FGGW Number 4 – Her arm reminds me of a meaty drumstick.

FGGW Number 5 – Apologizes for the blurry photo, but the neon accent on her muumuu makes her look like a UFO.

Oh, and I was just speaking to my good friend MM who reminded me of this story: While we were waiting in line for the lady’s room, we saw a disgusting girl take her heels off and walk BAREFOOT on the disgusting bathroom tiles. I believe I may have muttered something to MM like “OMG – is she seriously barefoot? In a PUBLIC BATHROOM?” And the girl in front of us turned to me and said “You just said what everyone was thinking.” I told you there would be a barefoot skank!

So – in summary, I will not be attending the Gala next year.