Best Naked Photo Poses

Naked Woman

The weekend is coming up! Now, if you’re anything like me and my friends, your general weekend will be filled with champagne, wine and cocktails all leading to irresponsible decisions like sending naked pictures of yourself to potential suitors.

Relax Husband – I’m not talking about me. Plus, you get to see me naked all day everyday so I don’t send you pictures anymore.

Now – being the whore that I am/was, I have extensive experience with naked photo taking and naked photo posing. A lot of girls get this wrong – they put everything out there all at once. Little did you know that men like a little mystery – how does that saying go? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Firstly, WHERE do you even buy a cow in the city? And who’s giving away milk for free? To be honest with you, if some rando on the street was giving away milk for free, I’d pass. You know anything white and liquidy in a bottle now reminds me of sperm after my experience of my previous weekend.

Anywho – I digress. Here are my tips and tricks for best naked photo poses:

The Peeking Nipples Shot

Lean over topless, and hold your breasts so that your nipples are peeking out from between your fingers. Not only does this give your tits a fantastic lift because you’re holding them, it also makes guys think that you’re playing with yourself.

The Oh You Just Caught Me on All Fours on the Bed Shot

Try this with a thong on, or not. Basically get on all fours like you’re about to get fucked doggy style with the camera behind you (you probably need set get the camera on timer or get a friend to help). Then turn your head around and look at the camera like “oh! I didn’t know you were there!” look. This position is especially effective if you have a fantastic ass.

The Lingerie and Coat Shot

Slip into some sexy lingerie, and by that I don’t mean your period panties. Invest some money in quality lingerie – my two favorite brands are Agent Provocateur and La Perla. If that is above your price range, please stop reading my blog. Seriously, skimping on lingerie? HOW are you going to find yourself a rich husband in your dowdy Maidenform bra? Bitch, didn’t you learn anything from my precious posts?

So – slip into your lingerie and throw on some 4 inch heels. Over that, put on a thin fall coat – my favorite is my fall Burberry trench and leave it opened so that your lingerie peeks out.

This shot becomes even more effective next time you hit up his place for a booty call and enter wearing the same coat. Ask him to unwrap you for a surprise and he’ll immediately know what’s underneath…

The Naked but Covered Up Shot

You can be naked, but you don’t need to be spread-eagled to be sexy. Lying on your side gives you a more defined waistline. If I could lie on my side all the time, I would. However it really would hinder my regular day-to-day activities.

And always, ALWAYS remember the golden rule: NEVER include your face unless it’s someone you trust 100%.

Have a wonderful weekend bitches.

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  1. Robert - November 28, 2012 5:45 AM

    Please clone yourself!
    It’s refreshing to know that the kind of woman I’m looking for exists. I’m grateful that you have the confidence to admit how wonderful you are and the will to be/remain wonderful. I stumbled here from Elite Daily.

    • Julie - November 28, 2012 11:12 AM

      Hey Robert! Thanks for your nice comment!
      Looking forward to hearing more from you.


  2. Erwin - January 15, 2013 10:46 AM

    I laughed so hard. You have a promising career ahead of you coaching girls to jumpstart their reality TV careers, In the words of Amy Poehler, “Well, none of us have plans to do porn.” It just happens.

    • Julie - January 15, 2013 10:47 AM

      Erwin My Love!!

      Aw – how wonderful it is to get a comment from you. Thanks for reading handsome!


  3. Fayola - January 23, 2013 12:00 AM

    You are hilarious! I literally laughed out loud reading this and some other posts. I am now a fan! Becoming TW material is my new New Year’s resolution.

    • Julie - January 23, 2013 10:44 AM

      That may be the best new years resolution I’ve ever heard!


  4. Pingback: I Posted Some Crazy Shit… « Life of a Trophy Wife

  5. Bords de mer - May 4, 2014 6:16 AM

    Saved ass a favorite, I like your site!


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