I’m not sure if this is only happens in the Chinese culture, but during my recent trip back to Taiwan to spend Christmas with my family, I was bombarded with the “When are you guys going to start having babies?” question.
One word – Never.
For god’s sake people, I haven’t even been married a year yet, and you want me to start popping out babies? No bueno.
The first person to bring this up was my mother. Granted, she has every right to bug me about this since it would be her grandchild, but the thing that confuses me most is that ever since I was around the fertile age of 18, I made the decision that I wouldn’t have kids and I grandly informed my mother of this decision. Being the consistent girl that I am, from that day I have yet to stray from this choice. Yet, why does my Ma think just because I monied up and married Husband, I would now be pro-kids?
Look, I have nothing against kids – so before you mommies come at me with hate mail, I just wanted to put it out there. I adore my two nephews more than anything in the world, but I just wasn’t born with that maternal gene, and I was born with a selfish gene, so generally, those two genes rule each other out.
I especially love it when girlfriend smirk after I tell them my no kids decision, and they always reply “Oh, that’s what you think NOW. You’ll change your mind when you get older.” You know what bitch? I’m older now. In fact, I’m 33 – and still loyal to my no kids rule. And then that opens up a whole other awkward inappropriate conversation – then it’s the “you’re not getting any younger! 33 already, only a few more fertile years!”
Listen, I KNOW I’m not getting any younger. Who in their right mind is like – hmm, this birthday…will I be younger, or older? Dumbass. And how is it that these girls know so much about how fertile I am? Maybe I’m incredibility fertile. Maybe I am one of those freak of nature who CAN actually get pregnant by giving blowjobs. You don’t know that, so why are you so freely discussing my reproductive ability?
My extended family got all up in my face about it too – my favorite one is “oh, just have one. You don’t have to look after it, just give it to me!” Um, right. Or another classic Momma Lin comment – “Mei mei, you must have baby GIRL. We already have 2 boys, we need girl baby.” Oh okay ma. So when the doctor pulls the screaming lump out of me and announces that it’s a boy, I’ll be sure to say “Oh, we don’t want a boy. Put it back in.”
Look, I know that they do it out of love, but am I the only person who thinks the decision about if and when you want to start a family should be something that’s solely between you and your husband? I mean, who has ever been like – “oh, hey husband. I know we never really discussed this child thing before, but my mother and extended family have been really in my face about the whole thing, so I kinda got pregnant to shut them up. You’re down, right?”
For Husband and I, babies have never been in our future plan. And it’s not as if I sprung this on him recently either – I made sure that he knew about this WAY before we ever got serious. And I know that there are certain people out there who think it’s incredibly selfish of me to not want a child, and how I should think about how lucky I am that I can actually have one, especially when there are a lot of women how actually can’t conceive.
Well, I have many reasons why I don’t want children. These include:
- Sometimes, I forget to feed my fish. Now, if this was a baby it would die. Wouldn’t that be awkward?
- 9 months sobriety without ever getting the credit of AA is just simply a waste.
- Maybe I am one of those women who can’t conceive? Ha – don’t you feel like a dick now!
- I have a seriously short attention span. I can just imagine me being like – Oh! Baby’s so cute! And then 10 minutes later, I’d be all – bored now. Take it away. And it’s not as if I can just go back to the baby store and say “Hey, I’m bored of this baby. Can I return it? I kept the receipt!” Yeah, shit like that just wouldn’t go down well…
Look, what it really comes down to is that I don’t think Husband and I are ready for one. Will we ever be ready for one? Maybe, maybe not. I guess we’ll know when the time comes.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking – it WOULD be a waste to not share my redonkulously good-looking genes with a child. Sigh. One less attractive baby in the world.Read More »