Hi I’m in a relationship with a guy who is living in another country; he has a business there and is a self-made millionaire. I live in Australia (I work eat and breathe here) and he lives in the states and sometimes it’s just so difficult but we do manage to make this relationship work. We fight only when were away from each other and his always busy with work so some days we don’t communicate and I’m just ignored that’s when our relationship is the worst especially when there’s a big time difference between us and I’m not sure giving up everything that I know here to be with him is a good idea since I’m so young and I’m learning everyday from him about life and his positive thinking and he encourages me to be the person I can be.
He often hints me and has asked me to move to the states but I don’t know how I would cope over there and I was wonder how did you cope and adjust to everything? And do you have any tips? I’m only 19 turning 20 very soon so I’m quite young it will be a big whole new experience for me…
First of all – please accept my apologizes for not answering your question with a vlog like I usually do with all my Ask Trophy Wife submissions. I have unfortunately lost my voice so I hope its okay that I answer your question with a written response.
There are some key things that I picked up with your question – you wrote that he ‘often hints’ for you to move to the States. Babe – a move from Australia to the States is a big deal – and you need more to go on than just a ‘hint’ that he wants you there.
Let me answer your question with my own personal experiences – one is moving a boyfriend from The Netherlands to Sydney and how that impacted our relationship, and the second is my own experience moving from Sydney to New York.
Let me just start off by saying that long distance is a bitch. In order for any long distance relationship to survive you need the following:
- And end date when you will be together
- A shit-load of trust in the other person
- Constant communication
- A lot of understanding
I did long distance with a Dutch man for a year. The time difference and the fact that he had A LOT of attractive friends that are girls made it incredibly difficult (there are seriously a lot of attractive girls over in the Netherlands). However, we emailed each other every day and spoke on the phone once a week. We planned for one of us to move to the other person’s country by the end of the year, and ultimately, he moved to Australia to be with me.
Don’t think that is where things got easy – it didn’t. There is a lot of pressure on the person who didn’t move because in the back of your mind, you have the niggling reminder that your partner gave up EVERYTHING in their life to be with you – their family, their friends, their job, and their home – all for you. The pressure for you to make their transition as easy as possible eats at you every day. They will no doubt be homesick and often question if they did the right thing, and while you do your best to go above and beyond to make them feel at home, ultimately, only time will tell if you guys made the right decision.
We made the decision to be together because we genuinely thought that we would be married in the upcoming years – he even gave me a standby engagement ring that is how serious we were about each other. Although we broke up after about 4 years living together because we grew apart, I don’t regret one day of being with him and the choice that we made to be together because it was the right thing to do at the time.
Hence, that is why I question how serious you and your man are about each other – you need more than just a hunch that he wants you there with him!
These are all things you need to keep in mind if you are seriously thinking of relocating your life for this man.
In terms of your concerns about moving from Australia to the States – sure, it’s a big change. But I am a HUGE advocate of trying everything once. From my personal experience, it was difficult for me in the beginning – I moved to NYC having no friends in the new city and was incredibly lonely for the first 6 months. But the more you open your mind to the new experience, and the more people you meet and friend, the easier the transition becomes.
If you do end up moving here for your man, at least he will be here as a sounding board and a shoulder to lean on during those tough beginning few months!
At the end of the day, if it doesn’t work out, you are only a 22 hour flight away from Australia – you can always go home!
I hope my response was helpful Vanessa – feel free to reach out to me and keep me updated.
For my other readers – I know there are a lot of you in long distance relationships – can you spare some pearls of wisdom for our friend Vanessa here? Please share in the comments below!
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