Ask TW: Parental Matchmakers?

Dear TW,


I am Asian and 23 years old. I recently just graduated from a top-tier university in Massachusetts with a business degree. I moved to the United States when I was 15 years with my mother while my father stayed behind in China. He is a wealthy businessman who works in and out of China and my grandfather is a powerful government official. My family is extremely traditional and for the last 4 years, my family has been pushing me to get married, start a family, and return to China etc.

My problem is that I don’t want to return to China nor do I want to get married to some girl I only met once. They have been setting me up with numerous blind dates and I have been struggling to find excuses to skip out. Since my junior year I have been dating this girl whose family is lower middle class and runs a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. After my family found out about my girlfriend, they demand that I break up with her because “they can find me someone better” and they think she is only interested into my money.

I really like her and we have been secretly dating for about 9 months now, I am about to return to China so should we continue this relationship? They think I already left her, what should I tell them? What should I say to her? What should I do?


Thank you,


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  1. TheRugbymom - July 16, 2013 1:10 AM

    I have no understanding of the Asian family dynamics described, but I can offer a few things to consider.

    Does he love the GF and believe she might be THE ONE?

    If there are any doubts about this, i would advise him to not immediately reject the notion of being fixed up by his parents. There is a possibility that something could come from it. These girls are probably well educated. They may not look like dogs! They may be as opposed to an “arrangement” as SJ. Meet them and see what happens. Then his parents will know he tried to make them happy. He will just have to convince them that his happiness is more important & he won’t marry unless it is for love.

    What are the options regarding SJ staying here, or his GF moving to China, or both of them moving to another country to be together?

    I married for love. Twice. And neither one of them lasted a lifetime. There are no guarantees in life, but our time on this earth is too precious to waste trying to please everyone around you – to the point where your needs are not met. Go for what you want.

    • Trophy Wife - July 17, 2013 8:59 AM

      Dear Rugbymom,

      This is sound advice – I absolutely second everything you said.

      Wise words from a wise woman!



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