Ask TW: Benchmarks?

J Asked:

As a trophy wife, how do you choose your benchmarks? I love your blog because you’re not shy about scolding women who let themselves go, or who can’t be arsed to lose weight. (So many people these days seem to make excuses or try to repackage borderline-obesity as “curvy” when we all know that what men most want is a slim-but-shapely girl!) At the same time, you’ve also posted numerous photos of yourself looking chubby, and the extra weight never seems to bother you. How do you balance looking good, but not obsessing about it to the point of neurosis? Or is obsession a necessary part of being a perfect TW?

Dear J,

You know, I’ve wanted to address this fat person hating for a while, so I’m glad I could use your question as a segue. Not like one of those moving segways that fatties ride around in, because god forbid they actually do some exercise! Gasp! And really, segways are for douchebags.

Anywho – I’m glad you totally get that I hate on fatties not because they’re fat, but because they’ve basically given up on themselves. Nothing bugs me more than people who are all “Oh, my life is shit” and then they just sit on their ass waiting for someone to come and change it for them. Listen wide load – no one is going to come and physically remove the donut out of your mouth and then hoist you up using a crane to the gym – you’re going to have to take some pride in yourself and your appearance and change your life for the better, not only externally but also for your health.

As you may have read in my previous post Fat-Phobia, I have also constantly struggled with weight all my life – and really, what girl hasn’t? I’ve always been 100% honest in saying that I am not a skinny girl – I’m 5 foot 8 inches and an US size 8. My build always and forever will be athletic – I think I get it from my dad. Thank god I got my awesome tits from my mom, because it would be totally awkward if I got those from my dad too…

Anyways – yes, you’ll see pictures of me at times looking not so skinny. I’m totally okay with that – I’m one of those people who never ever delete any tagged photos of myself on Facebook because I mean, what’s the point? It’s still me, maybe just on an off day. I don’t always take awesome photos, granted, most of the time I’m seriously drunk and don’t even remember the photo being taken, but I’ve accepted that this is the face and the body I was born with and all I can do is make the most of it. I’m lucky because Husband loves athletic girls – I mean he considers Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner his two hottest actresses.

Of course, I go through stages where I’ve been super skinny – in fact, during my recent trip back to Taiwan, my mother actually said to me that I can’t lose any more weight because I’ll be too skinny. Me! Too Skinny! From my Mother!! Seriously, I nearly dropped my cocktail when she said that. I’ve also gone through stages where I’ve been a serious Fatty McFatFat. Dude – did you SEE the pictures of me from my surprise proposal? I mean, back-fat much? Ew. But I take it all in my stride – if I put on a couple of pounds, I make sure to increase the exercise and eat healthy for a couple of weeks.

I guess the short answer to your question is that I set myself realistic benchmarks for myself. Realistic is the way that I know my own strengths and weaknesses. I love, love, love food so I know that I will never be the kind of girl who puts themselves on a strict diet of egg-whites, chicken breast and salmon. And we are all acutely aware of my alcoholism, so I’m never going to pretend to myself that I will stop drinking. If I need to drop a few pounds, I cut down on my portion sizes and eat healthy during the week, but on the weekends I eat whatever I want and drink like a fish (I’m pretty sure fish don’t drink btw. I have fish, they’re not constantly drinking the tank water.) If I know I’m going to be consuming more than 1,500 calories on any given day, I increase my exercise for the day so I know that at the end of the week, my weight will still be down. I’m also lucky because of my Gym Husband, my personal trainer. He helps keep a strict eye on my weight for me and we adapt our workouts to meet certain goals.

At the end of the day, looking good should be important to any girl – exercise should be a part of your lifestyle, not something that you fit in every couple of weeks. But I don’t obsess over my looks – okay fine, those couple of days when I had the chicken pox and cried like a bitch because I thought I looked ugly may not be the best example… But what guy wants to wife up a girl who is all “Do I look skinny? Why didn’t you tell me that I look skinny when you first saw me? Why did you look at my thighs when you first came in the door? Is it because they’re fat? You think they’re fat don’t you? OMG I should have NEVER had that one M&M this afternoon! ARGH I hate my body!!!”

Um – calm the fuck down Cray.

At the end of the day, a man wants to be with someone who is confident and comfortable in their body.

Trust me – I never bitch to Husband if I’ve put on a few extra pounds – I just hit the gym for an extra hour, eat a lot more salads and maybe have only 3 Grey Goose sodas per night instead of 5.



Ps – here is a recent photo of myself looking skinny. Thank god.


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  1. Robyn Partridge - January 21, 2013 5:01 PM

    I’m in agreement with you TW. I don’t trust fat people as they obviously have no discipline in their lives which will carry over to their decision making, political, financial, family life. I want to look and feel good about myself and to do this I have to workout everyday. That’s just the way it is. We dine out and entertain a lot so daily exercise is a must. Just think….if you put on 1 kg every year for 10 years you would be 10kg heavier and that is so much harder to move than 1-2 kgs. I’ve never been on a diet and wouldn’t recomment this type of eating as you just put the weight back on. As you say TW, just cut down on portion size and cut out all the fatty sugary foods. The weight drops off in no time at all!

    • Hannah - January 28, 2013 5:07 PM

      You don’t trust fat people???? That’s the most RIDICULOUS thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life! WTF? Shame on you for being so shallow and question a person’s ability to be qualified to do something by whether or not said person is “fat.” Winston Churchill was heavily obese and won WW2 darling – he loved his food and his spirits and made no excuses about that and yet he is one of the most celebrated politicians in history. Oh, and you know who had a swell, fine figure, only ate vegetarian and healthily? HITLER! Bottom line – being fat or skinny has absolutely zero to do with how well you can do other things in life. I had the most amazing, most capable and endearing grandmother that you can wish for and she was obese for most of her life. How DARE you judge someone as amazing as her just for her figure? You disgust me and I bet you will live a life filled with shallow people that will leave you in a heartbeat if you ever, say, start gaining weight due to medication.

  2. Marianne - January 22, 2013 4:27 PM

    I am one of your stalkers aswell, and I just want to say, you look absolutely gorgeous! Not only do you have a great body and beautiful face, but to me it feels like your confidence and personality is radiating from the pictures =)

    I wish I knew you in person, even if I am just a young insecure springchicken!

    • Julie - January 22, 2013 4:31 PM

      Dear Marianne,

      Welcome stalker!! Thank you for your lovely comment – it really made my day.

      If you’re ever in New York, I would love to meet my stalker in person! I mean, it would defeat the whole purpose of stalking, but maybe you can walk like a couple of steps behind me and pop out randomly every now and again…

      Looking forward to more comments from you lovely!


  3. JustTheTip - January 23, 2013 1:38 PM

    Totally agree with you regarding confidence – nothing is sexier than a woman confident about herself and her body. Except if she weighs 200 pounds – that’s called being delusional.

    And you look super hot on your recent picture!

    • Julie - January 23, 2013 2:18 PM

      Welcome back! I’ve missed your witty comments. And thank you for your kind words!


  4. wslt - January 23, 2013 2:02 PM

    My wife is a TW, I.e. we have no kids,she doesn’t work, I’ m wealthy etc.,but unlike yourself, she does no housework,nor does she cook. I’m surprised you do such “commoner” things. Walt

    • Julie - January 23, 2013 2:17 PM

      Hi Walt,

      Thanks for your comment – and it’s great that you’ve got yourself a Trophy Wife!

      A lot of people have expressed surprise at the fact that I cook and clean, and to be honest with you, I love cooking and cleaning. Many women think I’m crazy but I get such pleasure from both activities that I am hesitant to outsource them. Maybe one day it might all get too much for me and I will then hire a cleaner and a cook, but until then I’ll gladly take on both activities.

      Looking forward to hearing more from you Walt!


  5. walt - January 25, 2013 1:47 PM

    This concerns something you wrote in an Elite article.
    Are you often on your husbands case to make more money? My TW doesn’t do this, as she knows that growing my businesses is my main thing in life.

    • Julie - January 25, 2013 1:51 PM

      Well hello again Walt,

      Nice to hear from you, and thanks for reading my Elite articles!

      You can always make more money, but I wouldn’t say I’m on Husband’s ass 24/7 riding him like a bitch to make more money. I know my Husband is excellent and committed in his job and that is the main thing. Although, I will never say no to more money!

      It seems that your TW and me and very different people – I welcome all types!

      Thanks for reading!


  6. walt - January 25, 2013 2:09 PM


    I can think of 3 ways she
    Is different than you
    1. She always like fancy furs more than fancy bags.
    2. She is very physically inactive.
    3. She had never been servile to me. I never expected it from her.


  7. MostTalkative - May 13, 2013 1:53 PM

    @Hannah….fat individuals are not bad people or by any means incapable. They are however demonstrating that they do not see value in maintaining a healthy body and put minimal to no effort in attempting to increase their health, longevity, etc. While they may not be lazy in every aspect of life, they are certainly making no effort in this department. Julie, love this piece! Bravo.


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